on losing a friend

For the past couple of weeks I have put off writing, adding fun pictures, even reading. I’ve been in a bit of a tailspin really, not sure of what to do with myself. This morning I find myself here, asking for a clean slate.

Two weeks ago, I lost a friend.

The kind of friend who, even though catchups were rare, made me so comforted by her very existence in this world. The kind of friend who made me feel like the world was a special place just because she was here in it. The kind of friend who inspired so many to be better, better, better.

The thing is, she didn’t know this. She didn’t know (or maybe she knew but chose not to see) just how much she meant to me and to many others and how she deeply affected everyone around her. How she raised people up with her love, encouragement and support. How in bad times she made people believe life was worth fighting for.

For her though, it wasn’t.

I don’t think she gave up, I think she knew it was the end of her journey. No matter how awful that is for us to accept, I need to believe that now. She was determined to complete her journey, and on her own terms, and no matter what anyone said or did I don’t think it could ever have made a difference. After a couple of weeks of searching desperately for answers I now choose to believe what she said all along: it was her time. I respect her decision because that’s what friends do. I submit to her wishes and her plans for herself because I have no choice, but also because my love and support for her was and will always be unconditional (and that’s something she always gave others).

This all being said, I also need to add this: please, please, please make an effort with the beautiful friends you seldom see. This modern world has many of us flung far from our roots but the effort will always be worth it. You never know the impact you have on someone and failing that, you never know how much time you have left with them.

Amelia xx

P.S I would also like to make a special mention of beyondblue. In Australia, these guys work tirelessly to increase mental health awareness, suicide prevention and help to families affected by these issues.